The SEC in a Sentence: Vandy is just the bee’s knees

Welcome to The SEC in a Sentence, in which I attempt to stuff a full weekend of SEC craziness into only 16 (slightly tortured) sentences. Let’s dive in:

Alabama: The Red Elephants come to town with more to lose than the home team, and I’m not sure if that worries or delights me.

Arkansas: The Razorbacks are headed in the wrong direction after a close loss to Memphis, which may mean that Sam Pittman is inevitably headed out of Fayetteville.

Auburn: There is nothing funnier than Auburn of all fanbases complaining that they got hosed by a series of questionable calls and fluky bounces, because I t’s like seeing Adam Sandler complain that a movie was just a little too childish and low-brow for his tastes. 

Florida: Florida recorded its lowest offensive yardage total (141) since 1999 in a 26-7 loss to Miami and I have nothing pithy to say about that, it’s a statement that’s just funny on its face. 

Georgia: The Bulldogs got a bye week at a good time, and now turn to one of the 2-3 most significant games on the 2025 schedule, one of the others of which is probably Georgia Tech because it’s 2025 and sure, why not.

Kentucky: Got a bye week to firm up the quarterback situation prior to a meeting with the suddenly reeling Southern Carolina Gamecocks that could put Wildcat football back on the rails. 

LSU: Beat the brakes off Southeast Louisiana State but don’t worry, Tiger fans still really despise Brian Kelly. 

Mississippi State: So bye, bye Ms. American Pie, now Jeff Lebby’s hosting Tennessee, and he’s gonna try, if the Bulldogs upset the Vols on Saturday night, then I’m gonna laugh till I cry, I’m gonna laugh till I cry….

Oklahoma: I’m not a betting man, but if I was John Mateer to win the Heisman is the kind of wager I might be tempted to throw a buck or two in the direction of. 

Ole Miss: Beat Tulane in a fashion I was not anticipating and which probably made LSU fans a little uneasy about this Saturday. 

Missouri: The Tigers remained undefeated behind another stellar effort from tailback Ahmad Hardy and, while flawed defensively, are looking like one of those teams I’m sort of glad we don’t have to play. 

South Carolina: Can you imagine being a South Carolina football fan and actually expecting good things in this life, no of course not, me neither.

Tennessee: The Vols took out their frustrations from last week on UAB and Trent Dilfer in a way that would attract the attention of the ASPCA if dragons were a real animal. 

Texas: I haven’t seen anybody get this excited about an ultimately inconsequential win over Sam Houston’s charges since the Alamo. 

Texas A&M: After a well-deserved off week the top ten ranked Aggies will host Auburn in the kind of game where Auburn tends to unexpectedly Auburn people.

Vanderbilt: “The 70 points Vanderbilt scored against Georgia State on Saturday was the most put up by the Commodores since the 1918 season, during which their roster was depleted by the Spanish influenza epidemic and their former starting quarterback was shot down while flying over France during World War I” is yet another absolutely true statement about the current delightfully bizarre state of Vandy football.

Go ‘Dawgs!!!